Deserted

My life is not a testament to trusting in the Lord
I’m not out on a battlefield with machine gun or sword
But everything that breaks, or fails, or falls feels like attack
And people only make it worse, stabbing me in the back
A metaphor, of course, in modern times for breaking trust
I face life’s battlefield, cowardly, feeling that I must

It’s for friends and family.  It’s for children.  Not for me.
Because I think I’ve already lost my fight.
Somewhere on the field of battle, I lost sight,
Or my Captain, whom others follow, has abandoned me.

I see others following, successful in their fight,
I see others who can see, despite the darkness, light.
But in my life, surrounding me, the darkness is so deep,
My soul failing, I hear a call to take another leap,
But where to go and what to do?  The Voice is so unclear.
So different than in childhood, when He felt very near.

It’s for friends and family.  It’s for children.  Not for me.
Because I think I’ve already lost my fight.
Somewhere on the field of battle, I lost sight,
Or my Captain, whom others follow, has abandoned me.

It’s clear I still and always need my Captain to save me,
But while He’s helping others find their way, I fight blindly.
“Whoever follows me will never walk in the darkness.”
He said, but how am I supposed to see through the world’s mess?
And when did I stop following?  And why is this so hard?
I want my Captain to come back to me, to be my guard.

It’s for friends and family.  It’s for children just like me.
Because I think I’ve already lost my fight.
Somewhere on the field of battle, I lost sight.
Where are you, my Captain?  And will you still save me?

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